The wishes turning all wrong were especially grotesque in my life when it concerned men. The standard option I would receive for my wishing would be getting another Him too late. When I would look at him confused and ask myself incredulously “Why would I like that in the first place” and wander off without an answer.
Take my very first Big Love – the Him of my school years – he did like me back then, but wouldn’t show it for certain reasons leaving me suffering with that stupid love of mine. Ask me, how many times I wished he would return my feelings and propose? But when he did just that twelve years later – guess what? I was crazy about him all over again till the point he confessed he was bisexual. I cannot describe the feelings you have at the moment when your first Big Love shares something like that. Unfair is not something strong enough to describe it.
The second Big Love – kind of a shorter version of the first guy – I was his shadow for something like two years (yeah, stupid and crazy, but that what I was then) – gave up hope somewhere in year three, became buddies with him – and then he suddenly discovered he liked me, I even gave it a try – but ran away as fast as I could – there was no way of resurrection of a dead feeling – the guy was so pathetic in his self-admiration, I couldn’t tell what I liked about him at all.
After that I turned way more practical, preferring to be the pray, or trophy if you will and not the hunter, but still – my choices have never been the best ones, I have to admit. Untill I met Alex - we are a good fit. I am not going to be the “he/she is not good for you” kind of mom – cause I never had that knowledge for myself.