Friday, November 7, 2014

Who are you? What do you want?

Those two questions Jack the Ripper kept asking the two main protagonists of Babylon Five in an episode over and over again. I watched it for the first times in my teenage years. I loved it to pieces but for this episode that creeped me out and gave me goose bumps. Half a life later I remember few things from the series, but this episode is still coming back. Not because of its creepiness, but as an unsolved riddle.

 I guess I figured that one out though. Or rather my life did for me. Those are indeed the two hardest questions for any person. That is, thinking person. And to tell you the truth, my current answer is I don’t know. I am lost and I am not sure I want to look in the mirror and try to analyze what’s going on inside me. I have become so evasive, I've shut so many doors and don’t want to peek behind them no more that I lost myself in the process. I’m going down the the rabbit’s hole deeper and deeper and I am not sure I’ll find my way out.

 I’m pretty sure about one thing – there is no way back. And that freaks me out so much that I am constantly trying to get rid of this realization too. So evasive, so not like myself that I am distressed and upset most of the time. But I can feel the wind of change, I just need to gain enough courage to spread my wings and embrace it.

4 comments:

  1. Words say so much more than is visibly apparent.

    Great piece!

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    1. Thank you! I need to set up the comments notification on this blog - have no idea how to do it!

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  2. Ho-ho! Welcome to this stage of immigration! Once most milestones are achieved ( you have a house, job, kids, citizenship etc.) one starts to wonder... Of course there is always something to look forward to, but no BIG goal. Lasted couple of years for me. You just need to find new goal

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    1. I wonder whether it's immigration or stage of life in general... They also call it the 30-th crisis - where you don't look forward to something big anymore and start realizing that half of your life (or at least active life) is already behind...

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