The long way to self-confidence in my looks

I've always been a very self-confident person - to the extent of where too much ain't good. But that self-confidence only applied to my personality and intelligence - I was always the smart and bright one who had it very easy at school - it didn't take me any or almost any effort to grasp new material. It's been catch 22 for me - I never learnt how to input my energy and time to gain something - homework and such have always been rather irritating and annoying obstacles getting in the way of real fun. I rarely enjoyed researching something for school - although I researched a lot of stuff out of my own curiosity. The only exception is the math - I enjoyed it and it was somewhat challenging to understand - probably, that's why I am in finance now! :)

Career choices

If I have enough courage, I will someday switch from cost department into revenue one. And here is why. The main purpose of any cost department is to cut its costs - either by increasing efficiencies and effectiveness or by paying the staff the bare minimum. Or both. There is certain praise for great performance for sure - to encourage the well-performing employee and their colleagues. However, it's usually not that generous - again, due to the main purpose of the cost department. No extra expenses are welcome - any of these require lots of approval and undergo scrutiny.

Now turn to revenue generating departments. They can use all means as long as they bring in money. They get moderate-to huge bonuses for performing and over-performing. No one really cares whether the person knows the most efficient way of using the available tools as long as he or she generates cash. Because cash is the King and everyone is well aware of it. There is a Russian saying "grass is always greener on the neighbor's lawn" - maybe it's true and I know perfectly well how much stress salespeople and alike are under to meet their quota. However, their reward is definitely greater than ours.

Things I learned today

I went for a very cool interview today - the best interview I've been to so far - and I had a few by now.

 But this post isn't about it. It's what I suddenly realized afterwards. There are two things.

First, arrogance brings success. Not lots of it, but a healthy portion - once you demonstrate that you are confident, others believe that too. Moreover, you start believing it yourself - and believing in one's success is halfway to the success itself.

 Secondly, I finally got over my attitude "I am nothing special - just average". Attitude is probably not the right word though - maybe fear. Anyway, now (yeah, about time) I know I am not. I am special and I am not average - I am above average. Where exactly - not at the top where "the best of the best" reside, but somewhere above average for sure. My attitude to life, my character, my skills, my experience, my intelligence, my abilities - all this together makes me that.

 To sum it up - it's been a helluva good day!

To-do List

Since my CMA studying is almost done (YAY!), it's time for me to get some other things going I was postponing using CMA as excuse.

One can call it belated New Year's resolutions. :)

Here I go (I am deliberately not numbering them to not have an illusion of sequence - they all have to be done!):

• Start REGULARLY reading in German - probably starting with Remarque 
• Start REGULARLY exercising - at least do the pushups - the belly has to go!
• Admit my Internet addiction and fight it - no more Internet Warrior
• Start REGULARLY blogging in English - I realize it contradicts the previous point to some extent however, I don't want to lose my written English skills while on mat leave

That's it so far - you can notice how repetition is my Big Issue - I'd say Issue #1. I can easily start doing many things - but they rarely stick with me for extended time - I somehow move on pretty fast.

• I'll be updating the list REGULARLY to trace progress as well as to add items to it.

Cherishing every moment of motherhood... almost

A huge change happened in my life on January 29th - I became mom to the two best babies in the world. Yep, no discussion on the best in the world part at all. They're boy and girl - so we now have a millionaire's family - just one tiny thing is missing - the million.

Still think it's cruel

I've reread the Hunger Games trilogy for the third time now I believe. I really like the action-dystopia-romance mix of it.

What I still don't get from the whole book is why Suzanne Collins had to kill Finnick Odair. I think it's unnecessary cruel - not to the fans (I went to check any explanations online - omg, what a crazy squeaking of teenage girls around the death!), but to Annie Cresta.

He was the only person, at least the way it is described in the book, who could comfort and reassure the unstable girl, he was keeping her from disintegrating. I'm not buying into the quasi happy-end with her having his son. I don't see how a mentally ill person who loses the light of her life can be kept together by this.

Turning 30 – an insight

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.” – Mark Twain

I have to confess – I turned 30 last Saturday. I’ve been somewhat nervous about six months ago – anticipating a huge meltdown of “OMG! It’s 30! How? Why?!!”. But then I just didn’t care. I mean the whole time measuring thing was made up by people to begin with. People love putting everything in a certain order, accounting for things. Time was no exception. So why would I freak out about something that does not really exist?

Also, it’s not the question of “how long” you’ve been around. It’s a question of “how you’ve spent it”. I personally believe that I did my best at enjoying myself and developing to become a better person. It’s still a work in progress and the time I’ll be able to say it’s done won’t ever come. The moment you stop learning you start degrading. I hope this never happens to me.