Life is complicated

Yeah, I know I might be asking for Captain Obvious award stating this. Whatever, like I always said, we say banal things over and over again cause they're to the point.

My life's been pretty balanced so far or so I thought. I mean for someone who went through a change of countries and marriages and many more other things it all went pretty smoothly and didn't cause much disturbance in myself. I shrugged things off that others would consider shattering.

Getting my mood back on track

In general I am a very positive person. My glass is half-full most of the time and I am finding positive things in any bad situations. I do! But now and then there are days that really crush you. And when things are that way, it feels way worse for me than for many others. I am not used to feeling down! I have no operation mode for that.

I was having a day like that today - the weather, my boss, an incredibly painful flu shot all came together at once and made me feel down.

But good thing about being a positive person is knowing how to fight these things off. It comes naturally - like, planning a gym visit and a shopping trip and starting looking forward to it. Or getting some annoying task over with - and feeling relief. Or receiving a response to a request you've submitted weeks ago after a reminder you just made to the guy without much hope of hearing back.

Silly tiny things like that do contribute to improving moods once you start noticing them. Oh, and green tea with mint - turns out I am crazy about it! Who would have thought!

My special thanks go to my friend Sairah for not giving up on my miserable whiny self and trying to improve my mood. It worked! ;)

The long way to self-confidence in my looks

I've always been a very self-confident person - to the extent of where too much ain't good. But that self-confidence only applied to my personality and intelligence - I was always the smart and bright one who had it very easy at school - it didn't take me any or almost any effort to grasp new material. It's been catch 22 for me - I never learnt how to input my energy and time to gain something - homework and such have always been rather irritating and annoying obstacles getting in the way of real fun. I rarely enjoyed researching something for school - although I researched a lot of stuff out of my own curiosity. The only exception is the math - I enjoyed it and it was somewhat challenging to understand - probably, that's why I am in finance now! :)

I wish

I always knew God had a weird sense of humour. Just look at platypus as they jested in the Dogma. I had so much personal experience that proved the proverb “be careful what you wish for”, that I quitted making wishes whatsoever. This is the reason I like the Bedazzled so much – it’s so true!

"And you, Miss, are no lady" :)

Do you know this feeling – as if you are walking on a thin spring ice fearing that you will break it and fall into icy water at any moment? That’s how I sometimes feel when communicating with ladies. You never know what might be on their mind at the moment, how they may react to something that sounds totally neutral to you… I may not be the most empathic person in the world, and being a thick-skinned person myself I might expect the same from the others.

I also noticed that I am not an observational person in the female way either – I hardly ever notice things like new haircuts or clothes. After some exposure to female colleagues I trained myself to try my best in it. But I’ve never been natural in it.

The qualities listed above have made it easier for me to communicate with men than women. I am feeling more comfortable in a world where yes means yes and not maybe or no depending on the circumstances. I may lack unpredictability some men praise in women, but I prefer reason over spontaneity. I also like certainty better than obscurity – it’s always good to know the facts to be able to make decision and move, no matter how bad and unpleasant they may be.

I am not saying that I prefer male company over female. It’s just that I am now trying to befriend females who like me prefer reason over charades. Life’s too short to spend it on guessing what others might think or feel – just say it! :)

New Year

I don't want to draw lines and list my achievements for 2010 as I used to and many people do. When you draw line, you close a period in your life and start something new. I don't want to do that. Not now maybe or not anymore.

Maybe it has something to do with my dad's death last October - if I close the year, he will stay behind and we will move on - I don't want to do that, I want to keep a connection to him inside me. It's not that we did not have our hard times - oh yes, we did - but the fact is - there will hardly be ever a man in my life who will love me as much as he did. And that is making me sad. It might sound selfish, I know, but there is not much I can do about it.

Happy New Year, anyhow! :)

Formula 1 - go Mark go!

Yas-marina circuit in Abu-Dhabi that hosts the last race of the season in very beatiful. Last June we went to Motreal and attended all 3 days of the race. From then on I became a F1 fan. There is a huge difference between watching it life and on TV screen. We wish we could go see the Abu-Dhabi race - it should be quite an experience.

My favourite pilot is Mark Webber - I won't deny - my choice was partly (yes, partly) influenced by his look and resemblance with Colin Firth - who is really gorgeous. For those who do not know what I am talking about here are the pictures:
Colin Firth

And Mark Webber:

Now that the female readers are back from their flight of fancy and male readers stopped scrolling down, let me continue. The tomorrow race will decide if Mark becomes a champion or not. So today I could not miss the qualification - it was the first time when I came late to the CMA class. Mark is the fifth in qualification which means unless something happens to those in front of him (do you hear me over there?) he will start the race in the fifth position. It is not that bad and might even turn out for good - cause he was not really good at turning pole position into a win during the year.

Anyway, I wish I could be in Abu-Dhabi tomorrow - never wanted to go there before. :)